Depressed about money? Depressed about your health, your circumstances? How does depression make you feel worse than you objectively should? How does depression change your life? Here’s the answer.
That’s right, depression is specifically about getting into holes, such as what you have dug for yourself by being depressed in the first place – getting into bigger holes, such as those bigger things which cause emotional pain and worry.
Psychoanalysts call depression a legitimate “wound” the wound of one’s own psychological inadequacy. People who have depressed states usually have problems with feeling complete, as well as a high fear of inadequacy. They are often very negative, and their moods shift often, and some people will have two moods at once, just the one that is on top of the emotional pain. They cope with their anxiety by pretending to be angry, or grateful, in order to distract themselves. What people suffering from a depression look for in someone that wants to be their friend is a “lie”, a scheme of how life can be better, and how they can be someone’s friend and at the same time not failed, or a failure, or a disappointment of their own. A colleague of mine more than once described to me how he almost had a nervous breakdown when he was told that he shouldn’t be depressed all the time. The simple fact of the matter is that depression cannot be flipped on and off like a switch.
There are also natural bouts of depression directly related to events in your life. It can be hard to get over a depression if it was a friendship connection which disappeared, but not gravely disabling) relationship. People living in depressed states often need to blame themselves. “I’m so stupid”, “I’m so lazy” “I’m such an idiot” and “I’m so stupid that it makes me look bad” are some phrases that might normally go hand in hand with depression but when depression strangles your friendship bonds, it becomes huge problem. If you are a man and a woman, it can be tough to avoid criticizing the spouse/significant other so much. If men judge how women from their affairs must feel, that’s an excellent expression of self-criticism but if women are judgmental of their spouses / boyfriends, that can be a very vicious circle. Watch out for social pressure to be kind. If a man suspects his girlfriend/wife is beaming more often or is more passive assertive than he is, he might blame his ex.
Depression is a personal problem that needs to be treated with deliberate care. You need to overcome your excuses and delusions about how it can be made worse, and be honest with your partner about how you feel in order to handle depressive episodes together. Speaking to some sympathy gets things off the table and if you need someone to git you through farm & housework, then you probably needed the pity of somebody in the relationship, and that’s okay. But if you are lacking communication skills, or your partner is. You will come to grief at some point. And if worst comes to worst there is medication to help with depression.
Be wary of showing people you are living with depression. If you are in a situation of depression, clarify to family that you are not crazy and want help. If the are truly your family, they will love you no matter what and will do whatever it takes to help you through your depression.